we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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