thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
