Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
