having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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