Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
