I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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