I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
