Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
pray to the hookup gods
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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