haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
