Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
