A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
