For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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