Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
