I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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