so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
