I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
