I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
