someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
