how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
