i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
