Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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