you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
