You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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