I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My hand turned me down
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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