a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we made out on top of his cat.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
