So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dude i'm inner monologue high
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
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I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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