It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
