I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
