She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Green mimosas i think yes
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
