White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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