To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Bring me that man meat
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
