I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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