I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You dont lie about slip and slides
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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