Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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