Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts

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(253): View more from Washington

Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??

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(561): View more from Florida

His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.

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(618): View more from Illinois

My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.

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(916): View more from California

I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.

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(620): View more from Kansas

Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.

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(804): View more from Virginia

he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.

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(813): View more from Florida

I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.

(727): View more from Florida

You love porn!

(813): View more from Florida

Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.

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