Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
