My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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