Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
