so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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