Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
