Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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