My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
