I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
