My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
