Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
