And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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