she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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