My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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