I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
