Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
