I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
