It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
