if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm passing your future prison.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize