I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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