Your dad touched me again.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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