ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
