If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
