who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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