My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
