my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How external is "for external use only"?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
