Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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