She's JV to your varsity
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
