I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Let's get the cat blown out
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
