I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
