She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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