I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
