What did we do last night that was yellow?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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