the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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