you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
