I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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