two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
