I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
