He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
