i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
