I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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